Hail stones make hail holes. Round hail stones leave jagged holes. In roofing, siding, glass and screens. But never mind, you can decorate with plastic tarp while everything is getting fixed. Remember hearing about that hail storm in Fishers Indiana?

Hail stones as big as golf balls, not coming down so much as flying sideways. Slitting screens, breaking glass, ruining siding, demolishing roofs. My small but cluttered condo damages included the roof, a screen door, and all the cedar siding on the back of the condo.

Must prepare for the onslaught of roofing crews and siding saw-ers. So, I moved all the furniture away from the walls. Take all the pictures down, too, and stack them against the furniture. (Not against the wall, the wall is vibrating.) Take the curtain rod down and drape it, curtains and all, over the couch. Then drape huge sheets of plastic tarp over everything. Leash the dog so he won’t leave through the various holes and missing portals.

Be creative with plastic tarp.

Look at that. If you drape plastic tarp over the bookshelf and let it cascade over the couch, it almost looks like a big ghost lady, with the curtain rod peeking out like a wooden leg. And if you swoop some more plastic tarp across the settee over to the dining room table, it can double as a hammock. Next I make decorative designs in the sawdust on the tables.

Even though only the siding was damaged, when they took it down they found wet, rotten wood behind it. And no wonder, water has apparently been leaking behind the balcony and siding for years. Making stains on the wall. Trickling through the door jamb onto the carpet, necessitating many work orders to the condo association. They would send out an overworked fellow who would spread Kills on the stains, and tap the door jamb back in with a hammer so I could force the door closed.

Can carpenter ants learn the Conga?

Now they have to tear out all that wet wood, and carpenter ants are fleeing for their lives. Wonder if I can herd the ants into a straight line. Line them up between some fallen plaster and teach them to do the conga. There’s the ruined insulation, it has to come out too, and the sheet rock, it all has to go. Um, so what’s holding up the second story now? One little guy and some two by fours hastily assembled into a support.

That’s a very big drill you’re waving.

Bang bang buzz buzz drill drill clunk. Knife seen coming right through the wall. Strange man’s face with mammoth electric drill in his hand looking at me through the hole in the wall. The hole that wasn’t there before, right above the sliding glass door. The sliding glass door that isn’t there any more. At least Drill Guy smiles, and waves his drill at me enthusiastically.

Because this is a cheerful bunch of workers, although I’m not sure how much English they understand. I go out and touch a piece of wood that was under the old siding and it crumbles in my hand, asking if it will be replaced. They laugh. I show them the rotten wood around the door jamb, they say “Si!” Agreeing that that’s quite something. They take the old sliding glass door out laughing, saying “not go back in!” When they’re on the roof putting something aluminum around the chimney, it sounds like they’re landing in the fireplace.I go outside and ask if Santa is having a practice drill. They have a jolly response to that too.

Upshot of it is: New cedar siding, newly painted. New roof. New sliding glass door. Outside, lookin’ good.

Inside: No door trim. Plywood above the new door. A big strip of water-stained wood between the fairly new carpet and the new door. A phone jack that doesn’t work because the outside line to it was severed when they were on the roof.

Now the work men are all gone, promising to be back to dry wall, trim, and paint. But they made me give the tarp back.

This is a very simple fix compared to the damages a hurricane could bring. I’ve come across a drone video on Youtube showing the casualties brought in by hurricane Irma in Hollywood, FL last year. I wonder how those bigger damages became a headache to the residents. That said, I also realized how these drones can be used to quickly sight the aftermath whenever the nature chooses to mingle with us.